“If your father knew.”
“My father arranged everything. He brought us together. Whatever happens, it’s partly his fault.” I leaned forward. “Josiah, I understand if you don’t feel the same way. I understand it’s complicated and dangerous. Maybe I’m just lonely and confused. But I needed to tell you.”
He was silent for so long. I thought I’d ruined everything. Then: “I’ve loved you since our first real conversation. When you asked me about Shakespeare and actually listened to my answer. When you treated me like my thoughts mattered. I’ve loved you every day since then, Elellanar. I never thought I’d say that.”
“Say it now.”
“I love you.”
We kissed. My first kiss at 22, with a man who, according to society, shouldn’t have existed for me, in a library surrounded by books that would condemn what we were doing. It was perfect.
But perfection doesn’t last long in Virginia in 1856. Not for people like us.
For five months, Josiah and I lived in a bubble of stolen happiness. We were cautious, never showing affection in public, maintaining the facade of devoted protégé and designated guardian. But in private, we were simply two people in love.
My father either didn’t notice, or chose not to. He saw that I was happier, that Josiah was attentive, that the situation was working. He didn’t question the time we spent alone. The way Josiah looked at me, the way I smiled in his presence.
In those five months, we built a life together. I continued to learn the art of blacksmithing, creating increasingly complex pieces. He continued to read, devouring books from the library. We talked incessantly about our dreams of a world where we could be together openly, about the impossibility of those dreams, about how to find joy in the present despite the uncertainty of the future.
And yes, we became intimate. I won’t go into the details of what happens between two people in love. But I will say this: Josiah approached physical intimacy the same way he approached everything with me, with extraordinary sensitivity, attentive to my well-being, with a reverence that made me feel loved and not used.
By October, we had created our own world within the impossible space society had forced us into. We were happy in a way neither of us could have ever imagined possible.
Then my father discovered the truth and everything fell apart.
December 15, 1856. Josiah and I were in the library, lost in each other, kissing with the freedom of those who believe they are alone. We didn’t hear my father’s footsteps. We didn’t hear the door open.
“Elellaner.” His voice was icy.
We broke apart abruptly. Guilty. Exposed. Terrified. My father stood in the doorway, his expression a mixture of shock, anger, and something else I couldn’t quite decipher.
“Father, I can explain.”
“You’re in love with him.” Not a question, but an accusation.
Josiah immediately knelt down. “Lord, please. It’s my fault. I never should have…”
“Silence, Josiah.” My father’s voice was dangerously calm. He looked at me. “Elellanar, is it true? Are you in love with this slave?”
I could have lied. I could have claimed that Josiah had raped me, that I was a victim. It would have saved me and condemned Josiah to torture and death. I couldn’t.
“Yes, I love him and he loves me. And before you threaten him, know that the feeling is mutual. I was the one who initiated our first kiss. I was the one who sought this relationship. If you have to punish someone, punish me.”
My father’s face went through a series of expressions: anger, disbelief, confusion. Finally: “Josiah, go to your room immediately. Don’t come out until I send for you.”
“Gentleman-”
“No.”
Josiah left, casting me one last anguished look. The door closed, leaving me alone with my father. What happened next? My father’s words in that study changed everything, but not in the way I expected.
“Do you understand what you’ve done?” my father asked in a low voice.
Outside, silence reigned between us. The December wind rattled the windows. Somewhere in the house, Josiah waited to learn his fate.
Finally my father spoke, and what he said shocked me more than anything that had happened before. “I could sell him,” my father said softly. “Send him to the Deep South. Make sure I never see him again.”
My blood ran cold. “Father, please…”
“Let me finish.” He raised a hand. “I could sell it. That would be the right solution. Separate you. Pretend it never happened. Find you somewhere else.”
“Please don’t do that.”
“But I won’t.” A glimmer of hope flashed in my chest. “Father?”
“I won’t do it because I’ve watched you these past nine months. I’ve seen you smile more in nine months with Josiah than in the previous fourteen years. I’ve seen you become confident, capable, happy. And I’ve seen the way he looks at you, as if you were the most precious thing in the world.” He rubbed his face, suddenly looking ancient. “I don’t understand it. I don’t like it. It goes against everything I was raised to believe. But…” He paused. “But you’re right. I brought you together. I created this situation. Denying that you would form a genuine connection was naive.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying I need time to think, to find a solution that won’t leave you both unhappy or destroyed.” He stood up. “But Elellanar, you have to understand. If this relationship continues, there’s no place for it in Virginia, in the South, maybe anywhere. Are you ready to face that reality?”
“If it means being with Josiah, yes.”
He nodded slowly. “Then I’ll find a way. I don’t know what it is yet, but I’ll find a way.”
He left me in the library, my heart pounding, hope and fear clashing inside me. Josiah was called back an hour later. I told him what my father had said. He slumped into a chair, overwhelmed.
“He has no intention of selling me. He has no intention of selling you. He will help us.”
“How can we help you?”
“He said he would try to find a solution.”
Josiah ran his hands through his hair and cried, deep, trembling sobs of relief and disbelief. I held him as tightly as I could from my wheelchair, and we clung to the fragile hope that maybe, somehow, my father could make the impossible possible.
But none of us could have predicted what would happen next. My father’s decision two months later would change not only our lives, but history itself.
My father pondered for two months. Two months during which Josiah and I lived in anxious uncertainty, awaiting his decision. We continued with our routines—working at the forge, reading, talking—but everything seemed temporary, contingent on whatever solution my father had in mind.
At the end of February 1857, he called us both into his study.
“I’ve made my decision,” he said without preamble. We were sitting across from each other, me in my wheelchair, Josiah perched on one of the two chairs, both holding hands despite the inappropriateness of the situation.
“There’s no way this will work in Virginia or anywhere else in the South,” my father began. “Society won’t accept it. The laws explicitly forbid it. If I keep Josiah here, even if I declare him your protector, suspicions will grow. Sooner or later someone will investigate, and you’ll both be ruined.”
My blood ran cold. It seemed like the prelude to a separation.
“So,” he continued, “I offer you an alternative.” He looked at Josiah. “Josiah, I will release you legally, formally, with papers that will be valid in any court in the North.”
I couldn’t breathe.
“Elellaner, I will give you $50,000, enough to start a new life, and I will provide you with letters of introduction to abolitionist contacts in Philadelphia who can help you get settled there.”
“Are you… are you freeing him?”
“Yes. What if we went north together?”
“YES.”
Josiah made a sound, half sob, half laugh. “Lord, I don’t… I can’t.”
“You can. And you will.” My father’s voice was firm, but not unkind. “Josiah, you protected my daughter better than any white man could have. You made her happy. You gave her confidence and abilities I thought she’d lost forever. In return, I give you freedom and the woman you love.”
“Father,” I whispered, tears streaming down my face. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet. It won’t be easy. There are abolitionist communities in Philadelphia that will welcome you, but you’ll still face prejudice. Elellanar, as a white woman married to a black man… Yes, married. I’m arranging a legal marriage before you leave. You’ll be ostracized by many. You’ll face economic, social, and perhaps even physical hardship. Are you sure you want that?”
“Safer than anything I’ve ever been.”
“Josiah.”
Josiah’s voice was thick with emotion. “Lord, I will dedicate the rest of my life to ensuring that Elellanar never regrets this. I will protect her, I will provide for her, I will love her. I swear it.”
My father nodded. “Then let’s proceed.”
But here’s what he didn’t tell us. Something we would only discover much later. This decision would cost him everything.
The next week was a whirlwind. My father worked with lawyers to prepare the documents that would free Josiah, declaring him a free man, no longer property, able to travel without permits or authorizations. He arranged our wedding through a compassionate pastor in Richmond, who performed the ceremony in a small church with only my father and two witnesses in attendance.
Josiah and I took our vows before God and the law. I became Eleanor Whitmore Freeman, keeping both surnames, honoring my father and embracing my new life. Josiah became Josiah Freeman, a free man married to a free woman.
We left Virginia on March 15, 1857, aboard a private carriage my father had arranged. Our personal effects were carried in two trunks: clothes, books, tools from the forge, and the freedom papers that Josiah carried with him as sacred objects.
My father hugged me before leaving. “Text me,” he said. “Let me know you’re okay. Let me know you’re happy.”
“I will, Father. I… I know… I love you too, Ellanar. Now go and build a life for yourself. Be happy.”
Josiah shook my father’s hand. “Lord, I’ll protect her.”
“Josiah, that’s all I ask.”
“With my life, sir.”
We traveled north through Virginia, Maryland, and Delaware. Every mile took us further from slavery and closer to freedom. Josiah expected someone to stop us, ask for our papers, question our marriage. But the papers were valid, and we crossed the Pennsylvania border without incident.
Philadelphia in 1857 was a bustling city of 300,000 people, including a large community of free blacks in neighborhoods like Mother Bethl. The abolitionist contacts my father had provided us with helped us find housing. A modest apartment in a neighborhood where interracial couples, though unusual, were not uncommon.
Josiah opened a forge with money my father had given him. His reputation grew rapidly. He was skilled, reliable, and his imposing size allowed him to perform tasks other blacksmiths couldn’t. Within a year, Freeman’s forge became one of the busiest in the area.
I handled the business side of things, keeping the books, managing clients, and drafting contracts. My education and intelligence, which the Virginia society had deemed worthless, proved essential to our success.
We had our first child in November 1858. A boy we named Thomas, after my father’s middle name. He was healthy and perfect. And as I watched Josiah hold our son for the first time—this gentle giant cradling a newborn with infinite care—I knew we had made the right choice.
But our story doesn’t end there. What happened next? What we discovered about love, family, and building a legacy—well, that’s when it all became real.
After Thomas, four more children were born: William in 1860, Margaret in 1863, James in 1865, and Elizabeth in 1868. We raised them in freedom, teaching them to be proud of both their ancestry and sending them to schools that accepted black children.
And my legs. In 1865, Josiah designed an orthopedic device, metal splints that attached to my legs and connected to a support around my waist. With these splints and crutches, I could stand, I could walk, awkwardly, but truly.
For the first time since I was 8, I walked.
“You’ve given me so much,” I told Josiah that day, standing in our house with tears streaming down my face. “You’ve given me love, trust, and children. And now you’ve literally made me walk.”
“You’ve always walked, Ellaner.” He watched me as I took my uncertain steps. “I just gave you different tools.”
My father came to visit us twice, in 1862 and 1869. He met his grandchildren, saw our home, our business, our life. He saw that we were happy, that his radical solution had worked beyond all expectations. He died in 1870, leaving his estate to my cousin Robert, as required by Virginia law. But he did leave me a letter.
“My dearest Elellanar, by the time you read these words, I will no longer be here. I want you to know that trusting Josiah was the wisest decision I ever made. I thought I was providing you with protection, I didn’t realize I was providing you with love. You were never indestructible. Society was too blind to see your worth. Thank God, Josiah wasn’t. Live well, my daughter. Be happy. You deserve it. Love, Father.”
Josiah and I lived together in Philadelphia for 38 years. We grew old together, watched our children grow up, welcomed grandchildren, and built a legacy from the impossible situation we found ourselves in.
I died on March 15, 1895, exactly 38 years after leaving Virginia. Pneumonia quickly took me; my last words to Josiah, as he held my hand, were, “Thank you for seeing me, for loving me, for making me whole.”
Josiah died the next day, March 16, 1895. The doctor said his heart had simply stopped, but our children knew the truth. He couldn’t live without me, just as I couldn’t live without him. We were buried together in Eden Cemetery in Philadelphia, under a shared headstone that read: Ellaner and Josiah Freeman. Married in 1857, died in 1895. A love that defied the impossible.
Our five children all lived successful lives. Thomas became a doctor. William became a lawyer and fought for civil rights. Margaret became a teacher and educated thousands of black children. James became an engineer and designed buildings throughout Philadelphia. Elizabeth became a writer.
